The Star-Spangled Kangaroo

A U.S. warship has been ushered into service in Sydney. The ship is called the U.S.S. Canberra to honor the military union of the United States and Australia, and, if that’s still too subtle for you, it has a literal star-spangled kangaroo affixed to its side.

That’s right: the first U.S. warship ever commissioned in a foreign port has been emblazoned with a kangaroo covered in the stars and stripes of the United States flag.

An Australian officer will reportedly always be part of the staff of the ship, to further symbolize the unholy matrimony between Australia and the U.S. war machine.

“I can think of no better symbol of this shared future than the U.S.S. Canberra,” gushed U.S. Ambassador to Australia Caroline Kennedy. “Built by American workers at an Australian company in Mobile, Alabama, her crew will always include a Royal Australian Navy sailor, and from today forward, she will proudly display a star-spangled kangaroo.”

And you know what? She’s right. Not because of her giddy joy over the complete absorption of Australia into the U.S. military apparatus of course — that’s a horrifying nightmare which is increasingly putting this nation on track toward a frontline role in Washington’s war plans against China.

But she’s right that the star-spangled kangaroo and the ship which carries it is a perfect symbol for the way these two nations have become inseparably intertwined.

In fact, I’d take it a step further. I’d say the star-spangled kangaroo should be the new symbol for the entire nation.

I mean, it might as well, right? Australia is not a sovereign nation in any meaningful way; it’s functionally a U.S. military/intelligence asset and according to its Defence Minister Richard Marles, its own military is being moved “beyond interoperability to interchangeability” with the U.S. war machine so they can “operate seamlessly together, at speed.”

The U.S. imprisons Australian journalist Julian Assange for exposing U.S. war crimes as though he’s the personal property of the Pentagon, and when the U.S. doesn’t like the Australian prime minister because he’s too keen on Australian independence or perceived as too friendly with China, they simply replace him with another one.

Australians even found out recently that they are not permitted to know if the U.S. is bringing nuclear weapons into this country. That is a secret the U.S. keeps from everyone and the government respects their privacy on the matter.

So I think the star-spangled kangaroo is an entirely appropriate symbol for the country. Put it on the flag. Put it on the money. Put it on all the warships and planes, and on every military uniform.

When you walk into an Australian government building, Yankarooey (or whatever stupid Aussie nickname that gets made up to mask the cognitive dissonance) should be the first thing everyone sees.

Undignified? Certainly. Humiliating? Absolutely. An admission that Australia is not a real nation? Of course.

But at least it would be honest. If Australia is going to act as Washington’s subservient basement gimp, it may as well dress the part.

How would Americans feel if Australia took over its national symbol? Photo: Cathy Vogan.